His Stubborn Love

It has been a while. I truly am grateful that the Lord has such a stubborn love for His people. if not, i’m probably out of track.

It is amazingly wonderful to look back memory lane. i struggled so hard to resist and go away from Him yet He still embraced me at my worst and melted my stone hard heart. He has made me a whole person again. His perfect love has pulled me back in His arms.i have no idea where i would be now if He never was stubborn to keep me under His wings. Truly, he knows what is best. No matter how hard i have tried to resist Him, still His unconditional love for a rag as me made me run back to the shelter of His arms.

Isn’t the love of Jesus something wonderful? He is an Almighty Unchangeable God =)

The replacement....a better one?

In your grieving in the loss of your precious exceptional jewel, you found another one. Not as shiny as the one that was lost, but it satisfies the longing for the one that’s gone. This one is also extraordinary, another kind of gem, a priced possession. He knew the pain you are going through. He knows you can’t let go of the loss. He knows he is the solution to let you get over the past and made himself available for you to forget this heartache. But this new piece doesn’t want to be owned, instead, he wants you to forget that which have gone and embrace him with a different love. He wants you to learn to love yourself and enjoy being you instead of making a persona that you think will match his guise. He wants you to find yourself back so that you will again know how it is to let love find its way in the hearts of those who believe. For you, he was not the same as what you lost. You know he will be there for you, but deep inside, you also know that he is just there to fill in. His existence in your life is temporary. You know that you cannot attach yourself much to him as you have dedicated your life to the lost jewel. He is just tying knots in your strings so that you can get back on track again. Yet now you fear losing him the same way you have lost the other jewel. Another dreadful scenario plays in your mind. You know you wouldn’t survive another pain as that what you had. Your realizations are a little late; you are already too immersed at the connection you both have made with each other. In a snap, you know he will be gone. Despite of this entire bond that you both made, you are aware of the fact that his is like a magic tape that is non adhesive. He will easily remove it not knowing that you have stuck yourself with him with an adhesive that cause severe damage when removed. Until when will you continue to exist in such arrangement?

Yes, until when will I enjoy his smile, his dazzling gaze, his smirks, his being himself when he’s with me?
I really don’t know the answer to that question. All I know is that we’ll be happy as we are together. Do we really have to answer every question of life? Can’t we just enjoy what we have now and not think of the future? I think that’s going to make life a lot easier and lighter. Enjoy life as it is. Enjoy life while he still smiles at your corniest jokes. Take pleasure in every sweet glance he throws at you. Value every time you have together. Get pleasure from what life offers you now. Life is short to be spent on gloomy losses. Realize that what happens now will never happen again tomorrow. No incident is the same, it may be alike, but never will it be as it is.

The Lost Jewel

What would you do if the man you wished to be with for the rest of your life has now found his partner in life and you weren’t that girl? Of course, cry for a little and get moving would be a safe answer. What if you can’t get moving; losing hope that there will never be another man like him? He is a rare jewel that can never be found anywhere else in the whole wide world. Then, probably, you would just tell yourself, good things never last. But he is your future, you saw yourself walking in the wedding aisle, him at the end to exchange vows with you, he isn’t just a good thing that’s going to happen again. He is the only best thing that has ever happened to you. How will you get moving if the only reason you look forward to in your future has gone a different way? He went the other side of the path, farthest from you. Can you claim that he was yours? Nope, never, because he was never yours and never will he be yours. You have to face the fact that there is no such thing as being destined for each other. It is more of love finds its way in the hearts of those who believe in it. For us, no love was involved. It is more of my own side of the story forcing God to make us be partners in life. It is me committing myself to love someone who has never loved me the way I loved him. It is just me forming a make-believe life in the future with him because I forced to go against God’s will and demanded Him to fulfill what I want. And now, God won. He always does. He is always victorious in everything. He even knows me better than I know myself. Now, I am shattered into pieces. I can’t see light in my future at all. The “knight in shining armor and prince charming dreams” has all faded away. The only thing I can see now is complete darkness; nowhere to go, no one to run to, no one to hold on, nothing except the strong desire for death. Would death be always the solution? Will things get better if I will just disappear from this world? I wonder what it would be like.

The Gift

What is the best gift that you can receive? would it be a set of nice hair kit? a lip balm? a dress? money? shoes? earrings? i don't really know, i have a lot on my wish list but there's only one thing that i have been asking God to give me. i believe He knows it. but as year 2009 ended, i realized i shouldn't beg God for the gift i was asking from Him cause it wouldn't be a gift at all if i force Him to give me what i want. I know He knows what is best, its just that i now do not know what i want except that i wanna know what He wants for me.

The Year 2009

changes in my life weren't so much through this year... hmmm...
to start of...
The major new ones:
-- new friend to depend on
-- new job and new great friends as well --> call center agent
-- new house--> planning to buy it too
-- new clothing style--> not into the formal business attire but more of jeans and shirt now. (changed jobs, mean changed wardrobes as well)
-- new responsibilities
-- my beautiful niece, Celeste Koreen
The events that took place:
January: Moved to Angela Village
February: Love Fellowship
March: Church Anniversary and contract ended at CEU
April: Graduation of CEU-Makati's 1st batch, Ate's Wedding, Easter Cantata, Batangas trip with the Choir, New Job
May: Weekend VBS, Training to be a "call girl"
June: nothing much, Certified call center agent
July: I can't remember much, found out about the BLA.
August: KFC night, The Biggest Loser Asia Audition, Tita Fides' family was in the country, Dr. M sent me a beautiful message from CA, News that my HIM is gone with his HER, met Mahdi @Ortigas, Chikee's birth,
September: training for another dept(LS), spent time with Mark at NLEX Regularized at my new job!
October: The Ondoy calamity (the fridge and oven were messed up), my birthday celebrated alone then with Kuya Lester's at the house, Ate Thetz went home for the holidays, Lola and Daddy Boy came home to the country, the house is being sold to us for 3 million.
November: Finished reading the entire twilight Saga. NEW MOON on Screen (wasn't able to watch yet)! Kuya Glen's wedding (embarrassed myself at the "bouquet toss" their version), Celebrated Ate tetz, rina and Arf's birthday at MOA.
December: Tata Apeng's death, News that my HIM is gone with his HER was confirmed (then i was shattered to pieces), my craving for death, Sunday Club at Drain's place, Christmas parties and today with which i realized i can move on and I will keep moving forward. SO, Help Me God.